An alarming statistic I read recently, was that more than 24,000 couples in SA successfully filed for divorce in 2024 and that some 23,000 children were affected. The broad significance in SA’s formal divorce system appears to be that the country is dealing with rising volumes in this respect.
So what sort of picture is conjured up by the word ‘divorce’?
It is often a sordid picture of viciousness and malice, of infidelity, bitterness, tears and tragedy — the tragedy of people who, having set out with high hopes and the bliss of being in love, see their homes, their lives and often their faith, wrecked, not to mention the trauma inflicted upon their children
Those of you who watched the award winning television drama series, The Crown, depicting the life and times of the late Queen Elizabeth II of England cannot fail to have been impressed by the sheer power of its performance.
It told the inside story of two of the most famous addresses in the world — Buckingham Palace and 10 Downing Street. The demeanour and single-minded dedication and devotion to duty of the Queen shone throughout the series.
The grace, fortitude and courage with which she endured her many trials and tribulations, not the least of which were the messy drama-filled divorces of three of her four children, as well as that of her late sister, Margaret was exposed for all to see.
In spite of the efforts of various societies and organisations which deal with this sort of human dilemma, the divorce rate continues to rise. Churches, legal men and social workers have tried to pin down the reasons for divorce. Why does one partner commit adultery? Why does a husband turn to alcohol?
The hard truth is that the marriage vow is no longer respected as it used to be by our grandparents, and for one reason or another, the state of marriage is no longer considered sacred. Couples now go to the altar conscious that divorce is no longer considered disgraceful or unusual and that they will always have a comparatively easy way out if the marriage breaks down.
Our grandparents on the other hand, went to the altar knowing they were taking an irrevocable step. For them It was literally “for better or for worse”.
This modern day attitude to the marriage contract can be seen every day on television and in the cinema. They have an appalling influence on young minds who are well aware that some of these so-called film and rock stars and yes, even royalty, have been divorced several times.
However, apart from the unsavoury matrimonial records of many of these pop idols and screen actors, the films themselves frequently glamourise downright immorality.
The unfaithful and the seducers are often the heroes and heroines of these films.
Another interesting disclosure is that the years between the seventh and 10th year of marriage are the most delicate. The novelty of the marriage has by this time ended and it is the period when couples are obliged to settle down as “companions” rather than as “lovers”. Yesterday’s “for better or for worse” was a far better injunction than today’s “for better or let’s call the whole thing off”. As the husband of my beloved Naomi for 63 years, I can tell you that our marriage has been the most refining and rewarding commitment of my life.
It has, of course required maturity, the kind that shows up not when things are easy but when they are hard. When two people come together with purpose, respect and commitment, marriage is still the most beautiful and stable institution we have. Where there is love, loyalty and laughter, but above all, faith in God, a marriage is on as firm a foundation as it can be.
What better example is there than the “until death do us part” alliance of the late and wonderful Queen of England? Married for 73 years to her husband, Philip.
Charles Beningfield