So my rents picked East London, so yeah, that’s where I’m posted.
It’s kinda chill; some days are peak, no cap. Being near Nahoon Beach? It’s giving surfer era. I can hop in and catch waves all the time. Vibes = slay.
I’ve got a dog named Graeme and we take him to the beach where he does full zoomies with his brother, Spitsy. Total chaos, no cap. They’re out there aura farming with every lap.
Sometimes we hit Reef to peep the whale blubber (so random but kinda cool), then slide to Friesland for a milkshake and ice cream. Core memory unlocked. It’s giving iconic Slumtown vibes.
My school Stirling Primary is close, so that’s where I catch my friends. We chat about life and literally everything. My fave subject? Breaktime, obviously. My worst subject is maths — hard pass, no cap. It’s giving “do-we-need-this?” energy.
I’m into cricket and surfing. I can cook a bunch of stuff, with or without a recipe. Try my egg fried rice or steak — no crumbs left, it slaps, fr.
Shopping at Vincent Park and Hemingways is my big slay day. Mom hates shopping, but if I ask long enough, she caves. Can’t wait till I’m old enough to go solo or with the squad; fit pics will slay.
My friends are elite. Some of them are practicing their rizz for fun, but I’m not in that era yet. Single for life, I tell my dad, no cap. Independence vibes. Slay.
Translation:
My parents chose to live in East London so that’s where I live. It’s ok. I love being close to Nahoon Beach so I can surf often.
I have a dog called Graeme and we take him to the beach where he enjoys running around with his brother Spitsy.
Sometimes we go to Reef to look at the blubber of the washed up whale, then we go to Friesland to get a milkshake and ice cream.
My school is close by and that’s where I see my friends. We chat about life and boys and friends. My favourite subject is break time. My worst subject is maths, it’s horrible.
I love playing cricket and surfing. I can cook quite a few dishes, with and without a recipe. You should taste my egg-fried rice or steak. It’s delicious.
I love shopping at Vincent Park and Hemingways. I feel sorry for my mom because she hates shopping but sometimes if I ask long enough and often enough and she takes me. I can’t wait to be old enough to go shopping on my own or with friends.
My friends are amazing. Some of them like to chat to the boys but I’m not into that yet. Single for life, I tell my dad!
Living with a Gen Alpha tween who has all the vocab is so amusing.
When my 12-year-old daughter is with her friends, it’s all high-pitched shrieking and “Sla-a-a-a-ay”.
I love it, and I know it’s completely normal to have a generational gap in ways of communicating.
I’m sure my parents didn’t understand half of what I said to my friends but it is so long ago that I was a teen I can’t remember.
I’ve learned not to be too clever with the lingo either.
The other day, Grace said the fact that I am her human alarm clock and snooze button is “so sigma. That’s a good thing, Mom”. Ah, thanks Grace, I said.
Then I did something which I thought was pretty cool and I asked her if that was sigma? “No, Mom,” she replied. “That’s cringe”. Oh dear.
In my work team, I’m an elder millennial mingling with Gen Zs. I have to google their emojis in the work WhatsApp chat (painting nail emoji?), and I still find it peculiar that for a few of them, their full time job is making TikToks to market the university.
Gen Alphas are born between 2010 and 2024. A small consolation when I’m being roasted by Grace is that she too will one day be an elder Gen Alpha struggling to keep up linguistically with her younger co-workers, or even her kids.
That’s the circle of life and ain’t that sigma. Or is it cringe?
Ok, I’ll stop yapping.
