Many of us begin January with strong resolutions such as to lose weight, save money, be more disciplined, do better.
Yet by February, guilt, frustration, and self-criticism often replace motivation.
From a counselling perspective, this isn’t a failure of willpower, it’s a mismatch between how humans actually grow and how resolutions are designed.
This is where intentions offer a healthier, more sustainable alternative.
Resolutions focus on outcomes; intentions focus on the person.
Resolutions tend to be rigid, measurable, and externally focused: “I will exercise five times a week.”
While goals have their place, resolutions often ignore emotional readiness, life stressors, and personal capacity.
Intentions are values-based. An intention might sound like: “I intend to treat my body with respect this year.”
This leaves room for flexibility, while still guiding behaviour.
In counselling, we know that lasting change begins with identity and values, not pressure. Resolutions rely on perfection; intentions allow for humanity.
Resolutions often create an all-or-nothing mindset. One missed day can feel like complete failure.
This thinking fuels shame, which is one of the biggest barriers to change.
Intentions acknowledge that growth is non-linear. They allow space for difficult days without self-condemnation.
From a mental health perspective, this builds self- compassion, an essential ingredient for resilience and emotional regulation.
Resolutions can also trigger anxiety; intentions support emotional safety.
Many people already live under constant pressure to perform, succeed, and improve. Adding rigid resolutions can increase anxiety, especially for those who struggle with burnout, depression, trauma, or perfectionism.
Intentions create a sense of internal safety. When people feel emotionally safe, they are more likely to engage in consistent, meaningful change.
Intentions encourage awareness, not control. Resolutions are often about control, controlling habits, bodies, time, or emotions.
However, awareness leads to change more effectively than control does.
Intentions invite reflection: How do I want to show up? What do I need more of this year?
This promotes mindful decision-making rather than reactive behaviour.
True growth is not about becoming a “better” version of yourself overnight. It is about becoming a more aligned, emotionally aware, and compassionate version of who you already are.
Intentions meet people where they are. They honour mental health, life seasons, and personal capacity. And most importantly, they support change that lasts beyond January.
Perhaps the question is not “what must I fix?” but rather “how do I want to live?”
