Keep kids busy after that last school bell

There are few sounds as sweet to a pupil as that of the final bell signalling the end of the school year. As soon as it that bell rings, it’s a race to get out and begin five weeks of relaxation that have been deservedly earned.

The feeling is a luxury unique to the school life that we working folk don’t get to enjoy anymore, and it’s hard to deny the small twinge of jealousy one feels when watching those kids running around without a care in the world… so let’s bring those smug kids down a notch, eh?

Here are some ways you can keep your children busy for school even during their Christmas holidays.

Get a job
Holidays are the perfect time to kick those lazy free-loaders off your couch and make them earn their living for a change. After all, it’s never too early to start selling your soul to The Man™.

There are plenty of businesses that would be happy to shamelessly exploit, I mean, “intern”, your child by making them do all the boring, menial tasks that no sane adult ever wants to do. Packing shelves, sweeping floors, mining coal… there is a world of opportunity out there just waiting for someone who can be legally paid below minimum wage.

Prepare for next year
Just because school is over, doesn’t mean the school work has to be. Today’s school environment is highly competitive and if little Timmy wants to get ahead, he can’t be allowed to fall behind for a second.

Thankfully, the internet is here to help! A quick search will reveal a treasure trove of material which can help your child prepare for what’s to come.

HARD WORK: Sorry Susie, you can’t go out and play until you’ve written your critique on Kant’s deontology

Heck, why even settle for just the next year? If you’re really smart, you’ll make that kid sit down and study the next three grades all at once. In fact, don’t let them out of their room until they can recite varsity-level theoretical mathematics while standing on their head and juggling coffee mugs.

Your child (and their therapist) will thank you later.

You know what impresses a teacher more than a kid who knows their stuff? A kid that can quote really obscure literary works, that’s what!

Nowadays, it’s not good enough to know Shakespeare off by heart. To really make your child stand out, they need to dig deep and find something only two people on Earth have ever heard of. If it shows up on a Google search, it’s too mainstream.

It doesn’t matter if the quote is actually related to the topic being discussed. As long as it sounds kind of intellectual and is vague enough to be applicable to just about anything, it will be fine


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